Just remember she was crying because she was caught. It's the typical "I'm in a perfect relationship but I overheard something that nobody would ever say out loud knowing I'm in the other room" scenario that gets done all of the time on here. Personally, I would consider this along the same lines of cheating in my relationship, because it's a complete breach of trust and security you're supposed to have with your partner. Thats the shittiest advice you could give someone. Imagine all the other crap she does drunk, only to blame it on being drunk . Shes not doing bi stuff with you in bed, she was initiating sexual acts that exist in all relationships, not bi-dating-straight. My life would have been infinitely better if my parents didnt do that shit. If it was truly a complete accident, she wouldn't continue joking about it with them. That's just me, though. Your sexuality isn't really fodder to take the piss out of. Not impossible, but def not easy or quick. That's the truth. Including mutual friends that were homophobic and a girl who hated my guts (and my ex totally knew about those things). hey i mean, im not married, live with my bf and have 2 cats and a dog. OK she was drunk and your sexuality came out in a stupid moment. You shouldnt have to hide your true self, nor be ashamed of it. ( like nothing wrong with it but the fact ur so scretive about it speaks volumes, SHAME is an individual thing. Personally I think you handled as well as could be expected - what with confronting the issue right away and pulling consequences for her violating your very personal boundary/secret. Listen, Ive been a shit-faced alcoholic in my early 20s. Sending you my best OP. I think forcing her to go no contact with certain friends is crossing a line in a relationship that can never be repaired. Sorry you're going through this. She's probably said more and worse in the past two years the women have known. Great comment. I would DIE if my husband mocked me being bi like your wife did. OP, Ive never been in your shoes but I can empathize with flat out betrayal. 2.) She needs to do something to show how sorry she is. Telephone number: 0203222111, 0719012111 It's mainly drunk talk and a bit of peer pressure getting to your wife and she clearly regrets it We all make mistakes sometimes but this is how you grow as a couple! She said 'girls talk' and she has to have someone to talk to about stuff. I also really dont like how shes the one who initiates/etc yet was making fun of it?? Book an appointment with a therapist, maybe meet up with the one friend who called you, and after a couple of days reassess whether or not you want to try to make things work. If my wife was badmouthing me behind my back, I'd be beyond pissed. Next time she will really consider how the way she's talking to her friends could make you feel. You deserve better treatment from her. Many of your friends and family pick up on this anyway. No. I haven't gotten through this personally, however, I would suggest marriage counseling if you stay with her. Be kind anyway. To her, you're the butt of the joke. Dude, she needs to recognize that her violation of your trust is incredibly bad. Is the point of using your throwaway so she doesnt see your other post history? He said his wife told him what happened and he wanted to let me know he doesnt give a shit about me being bi and thinks the while situation is fucked. Part of thinks I should be able to accept her apology and shrug this off.maybe I overacting.but its all I can think about. But try couples counseling and go from there. she needs to stand by you and say that shes proud of you and supports you. However you talk shit no doubt with your friends you would probably never want her to hearbwe can all be thoughtless assholes from time to time She chose you I'm not saying you overreacted must off been devastating to hear but it sounds like overall you guys have a good and loving relationship unless you are truly broken by this you need to talk and work out where you are now and whether this is repairable or not situation. It sounds like her friends are shit. So my wife and one of her girlfriends were having a few glasses of wine, and while I was in my office I overheard a very awkward part of their conversation The other woman was complaining about her husband, quite openly, and specifically about the size of his penis. That's something only he would and has already been judged for. Do good anyway. She broke your trust, plain and simple. My worst mistake was not breaking up right away. He is my best friend, and I would never make fun of him behind his back like that. Thats so tough. Things ended when Tom took a job across the country and my wife chose not to follow him. IN YOUR HOME. Would she have thrown Tom under the bus like that to entertain her friends ignorance? I don't know what you should do but I know you shouldn't just roll over and say it's okay. IDK what it's like to be bi and married but I am sure it present some special problems/concerns with you and your status in your social circle. And also refused to allow anyone to talk about it. Keep sleeping on it, brother. Did she give me advice? When the "friends" make their snide comments, she should be backing you up, not joining in. Is going to take a very long time to fix such fuckery. Youd be second guessing everything they tell you from here in. She and her group of mean girls clearly cant accept that. She immediately started apologizing and saying she loves me and it was drunk girl talk and she didnt mean anything. If it were me, I would let her know that she needs to consider how this would be handled if the roles were reversed. Are you being a bit harsh? In this day and age? So I would lean towards suggesting forgiving her and working on this. You're definitely overreacting but to a strange set of circumstances. Oh My God, seriously? you sound like a fuckin pussy, enjoy your manliness, as you your wife fucks u in the ass LOL. Be happy anyway. Yet, evrything else you've said indicates that she does value you: this relationship was not strained up until this point, and nobody (apart from some really messed up people) can "play pretend" for so long. It's not their sex life that she discussed, it's HIS sexuality, something he stated he largely kept private. Then throw in this scenario that she was bisexual and the "boys" called her a "butch lesbian who doesn't really like dick.". He claims it was just he was not mature and never meant any of the terrible things he did. Also you say you feel emasculated. I am so sorry. There is nothing worse than feeling betrayed by the one person you thought you could trust with anything. Id say therapy but honestly no, she knows she fucked up and instead of standing up for you, let it happen. The fact she cares more about her homophobic friends opinions of her than her relationship with her partner says a lot. I (28M) with fiance (27F) about a month ago overheard her tell a friend her previous Ex was the best lover she ever had It was quite by accident that I heard this. Your wife betrayed your trust, and knowingly let her friends make homophobic comments. I couldn't stop laughing at the first sentence in your comment. They seem like they knew exactly what she was talking about, like it was a familiar topic. Regardless, hilarious. My 2 cents is not worth much, but why did she not feel the need to tell you when she realized she let it slip from the drunken night? You have every right to be pissed. People are often unreasonable and self-centered. Yeah, all of those things are a painful betrayal. Couples counseling may help rebuild trust. It was never between you and them anyway. People won't forget about it. They don't have her best interest at heart and they will just as quickly sow seeds of doubt to her evidently impressionable mind. The only reason you know of this disrespect is because you accidentally heard them saying stuff behind your back? People are weak sometimes. And her dissing your sexual needs to her friends and I truly understand that it was very hurtful and disrespectful to you and your marriage. As for your wife - I think her feelings are understandable even if her actions were insensitive. Not buying it. How would she feel, how would she react, etc. I told her to get a therapist to talk to about it but DO NOT TALK TO YOUR FRIENDS ABOUT MY DICK essentially. Ebony milf with big tits, shaking young boy's cock in rough modes 06:00. So many unnecessary details. Best of luck. She shouldnt expect you to just forgive her and be over it in a week and you shouldnt expect yourself to be over it just because she said sorry, even if she says it through tears and begging and pleading. She said that was why she made the comment about thinking about Tom during some things we do sexually because she felt they were judging her for being with me. She should genuinely make amends for it and admit to your so called friends her hand in the situation! This given that she initiates the sex games, and probably will never admit to friends that she enjoys them as a kink to keep the bedroom alive and hot. They are what they are and they are very real. . No shit. We were chatting in my kitchen (we own a two family house) and her boyfriend was eavesdropping at the connecting door. Especially when it all seems to have been going well. If you need more time to yourself, take it. I know from experience when you say Ill kinds of shit and they say whatever makes your friends happy or agree especially if youre drinking and they all laugh about it I believe your wife really does love you but she needs to stand up for you with your friends and those friends arent real friends so they have no business in your home do you need some serious counseling for your children sake. Couples counselling may help as well. Any other friends you have in common likely know. And regarding the "I let it slip while drunk" part, she's still responsible for her acts while drunk. He said if i wanna get together for a drink or whatever to let him know. This is NOT on her timeline anymore. I'd be more open about your sexuality; if you've nothing to hide then the nasty wives have nothing to attack. That that is a topic of conversation is absurd. I dont get real emotional or worked up over things.but I felt rage for the first time in a long time. Personal details should remain private. She tells my wife that Tom is still handsome as ever (this doesnt bother me, I feel im just as good looking) and they all give a little chuckle before my wife says something that floored me.Tom had reached out to her right before we got married and wanted her to get back together with him. Reading it, it definitely felt like she was saying stuff to fit in with judgy friends. But please know this, todays generation can say theyre in the exact same boat as you and face no issues from same aged folks. If she truly care about your feelings, she would not have put you down to make herself look and feel better. Its amazing where friendship comes from in the darkest of times. All you heard was a snippet of the conversation that you could loud and clear despite being in another room. Therapy is the next logical step. Wife: Oh, nothing just a funny story from (friends name) work. Just as all good things come to an end, so too do all the bad things. She's probably embarrassed by that, and won't admit it to her friends fearing judgement. At the beginning of the marriage endometriosis and disparei is, we spent almost an year without sex, I was always by her side, left the work early, never even thought about hookups or relief with other women. At the very least, you need couple's counseling because it seems she has two very different worlds built up in her head when she talks with you versus her friends. Shows you don't accept their judgemental BS. Viktor Frankl Id also like to see those fun-o-phobes pack their bags and get out of your wifes life. You are not overreacting. Why should he have to tell the whole world his sexuality? We have a dog and some goldfish. I would be trembling with furious anger and wouldn't be able to face her with the same amount of trust for a long, long while after this incident. Again this is a guess. The world is bad enough with mean enough people, you dont need your team mate trash talking you too. Things that concern only you two she turn into an open truth and open truths she kept from you. Maybe your wife didnt feel comfortable telling her friends that she enjoyed herself because she didnt want to be judged. Right now is the time for your wife to stand by you. I absolutely agree. If she truly loves you she is going to beat herself up for a while. Divorce. What girl no own ya sh*t. I would be scared to death to share those acts with her again. She told her friends some of your kinks gross her out, and then told them she fantasizes about her ex-boyfriend while you fuck her. No pun intended. How unattractive I feel. Are those things outweighed by her indiscrete talking (and her judgemental friends). It mattered not, the day was mine. For a moment I felt ashamed. You two will need some couples counselling after this incident, and some of what you will do in the future will be decided by if you can overcome a natural feeling of anger and resentment that you feel. The good you do today maybe forgotten tomorrow. We have an exciting and active sex life. This will help no matter what you decide. And her dissing your sexual needs to her friends and I truly understand that it was very hurtful and disrespectful to you and your marriage. Tuesday night we hosted a small gathering (all vaxxed) with some of our couple friends. I could hear what they were saying and I heard one of her friends mention Tom. Next I called my wife. Yeah Id be pissed about the betrayal of trust. Maybe suggest that. So our RC is this weekend and I overheard my wife talking on the phone with a friend about it. At the end of the day hets are gonna het, I'm really sorry man. My identity was something I held tight to my chest for years. Your other half should be your protector but it turns out she's the instigator of making fun out of your sexuality - which should only be discussed between the two of you. Oh theyre judgmental so I wanted to fit in why do you wanna fit in with these people who dont respect the person you love most? Theres people that will truly respect you and love you the right way. She is the one that keeps bringing up your bisexuality to make herself look like the rise to her friends, so she's biphobic as fuck. 2. She feels bad for being caught. There is now a before and an after in your marriage. Not to mention she outed him and didn't even come clean and let him know, instead allowed the jokes to flow for a couple years - that's pretty unforgivable. you'd be shocked but how many wives/girlfriends go into detail about their sex lives with their friends. Let's give your wife the benefit of the doubt for a moment. I will admit i dont tell my friends everything either, but if it comes up i wont join in and make fun of people who get made fun of for doing what i am into. We never fight. This seems to be an unpopular opinion, but I kind of agree with you. 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